This section is dedicated to our little angels who did not
survive the outside world, however they have touched many lives
and we are proud to share their stories with you.
A Loss For Words
Helping Parents Who Have Lost a Multiple
by Amy E. Tracy
If you work with preemie families or belong to a multiples
support group, chances are you’ll someday encounter parents who
have lost a twin, triplet or other multiple. As someone who
understands the crisis of premature birth, or the magic of
multiple babies, you’ll want to help. But you may not know how.
Based on suggestions from grieving parents and experts in
parental grief, here are some suggestions:
- Acknowledge the parents’ loss. When a multiple dies,
parents not only lose a child, but the unique opportunity to
raise twins, triplets or more. Recognize this loss. Some good
things to say: "I’m sorry," or "I’m here and I want to listen."
If parents named the baby, use the name. Even though one child
is missing, parents often consider themselves fathers or mothers
of the original set; refer to the survivors as the original
number ("triplets," even if two survived).
- Find helpful resources. Locate bereavement support groups
and literature for parents who probably don’t have the energy to
seek help.
- Give a gift. When giving a new-baby present, take along a
gift that acknowledges the loss. Thoughtful ideas include a
figurine of animals or children that affirms parenthood of all
the babies, a memorial tree for planting, or a donation to a
bereaved parents’ group.
- Think before you speak. Though perhaps well intentioned,
avoid making comments that could cause painful feelings, such
as: "At least you have another baby," or "It would have been too
hard to raise quadruplets anyway."
bullet Remember the baby. Send a card, small gift or call on
holidays and anniversaries of the baby’s birth and death.
Resource:
http://www.preemieparents.com/
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